sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
