Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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