Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he shaved USA in his pubs
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
