last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bring me that man meat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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