quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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