she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
