alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
