Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dear god my vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
