Yo dont text me then not text me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize