All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found the puke drawer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
