Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
