sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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