in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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