I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i will never coherently bang her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
