She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
