When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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