he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
