this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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