I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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