are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
