I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
