I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
