I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
