i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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