just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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