I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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