Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
