Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
