saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
