Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
