I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize