Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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