I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
