Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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