I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
