This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
