she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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