Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
