u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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