He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
