A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
