Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
