You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
