God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
