Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just invented taco cereal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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