I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
