Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
