You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
