Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
