I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
