3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
