yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
