Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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