I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Boobs are out for the taking
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
