I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
