my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
