What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
