Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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