A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm getting married
To pizza
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
