Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
