had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
