i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
