i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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