K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
