Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
