If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
