I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
