my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
