Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
