I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
