I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
