Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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