I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
