Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
