Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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