I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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