Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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