can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
